BLR BADDIES NETWORK
Critical social infrastructure
for Bengaluru 💃
Nine zones. Whitefield is served on a best-effort basis.
Published by Authority
1.
In exercise of the powers conferred by nobody, the Network publishes the following.
Schedule I — Zone availability
Evaluated continuously against local load. Conditions vary by hour and by day of the week.
| Zone | Segment | Status |
|---|---|---|
| Indiranagar | Central / 12th Main | Operational |
| Koramangala | South / 5th Block | Operational |
| HSR Layout | South East / Sector 2 | Operational |
| Church Street | CBD / Pedestrian zone | Approaching capacity |
| Cubbon Park | CBD / Kasturba Road | Operational |
| Jayanagar | South / 4th Block | Operational (legacy) |
| Malleshwaram | North West / 8th Cross | Operational |
| Whitefield | East / Outer Ring Road | High latency |
| Electronic City | South / Hosur Road | High latency |
12,482
Active connections
Peak 14,109 (Sat)
41
Certified baddies
0.33% of connections 🥀
99.98%
Baddie uptime
Trailing 30 days
₹0
Revenue
Valuation $240M, unaudited
Annexure A — Application for baddie certification
Measures coordination load, caffeine dependency and reply latency.
Assessment01 / 04
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BLR Baddies Network
Certificate of
Baddie Compliance
Baddie Compliance
Zone —
Class —
This is to certify that
——/100
Certified social infrastructure
Not issued
Weekend plan state—
Traffic tolerance—
Coffee dependency—
Reply latency—
blrbaddies.net
Issued by the BLR Baddies Network Certification Authority
Answer all 4 questions to issue a certificate
Schedule II — Offices and appointments
No office is staffed, no title is secure, and CEO claims are currently being reviewed by absolutely nobody.
| Office | Holder |
|---|---|
| Chief Executive Baddie | Subject to governance dispute |
| Chief Matcha Officer | Hiring |
| Chief Situationship Officer | High turnover |
| Chief Reliability Baddie | On call |
| Principal Gossip Architect | Declined to comment |
| Head of Weekend Infrastructure | Unreachable |
| Whitefield Liaison | Post abolished |